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This Mother's Day, Please Don't Fix It

Come join me and the Today Parenting Team where I'm talking about my deepest wish for all of us moms this Mother's Day...
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The Toxicity of the Quarantine Snake Oil Salesman

Could we have a brief chat about something I've been seeing pop up all over my FB and Instagram feed?  Here is what I can say for sure about this time of life: nothing. I can say absolutely nothing for sure.The only thing I can say with certainty actually, is that absolutely nothing is certain right now. What will happen today or tomorrow, when schools will open, when I will be able to hug or visit you, when I feel predictably sad, or happy, or predictably anything at all with any kind of regularity. The one gift I’ve given myself these last few weeks, and the one gift I’ve given my children without apology, is that whatever they are feeling or needing to do right now, whatever they think they need, is exactly right. I’d like to talk to you about the real snake oil salesman of quarantine. I’m not talking about the odd sort of COVID truthers who think this is all a hoax or something of that ilk, but more about the folks who have some very specific messages about what you should be do…

Goodbye to the house that used to be a home.

There is an odd sort of emotional exhaustion to quarantine. Though we go nowhere, I find myself doing a lot each day and so at night I’m the kind of tired when I just sort of fall into bed and sleep overwhelms me. There is no gentle drifting. I am just awake and then asleep and then awake again. It’s a very jarring, sort of matter of fact process. And in between occasionally I will stop and really notice certain things if for no other reason than during this very busy and very not busy time, it seems to be a season that has afforded me more time for all the noticing. The laundry in my neighbor’s yard blowing in the breeze. An actual woodpecker in my tree this morning. The way that my grapefruit smells after I first cut it open.
Have you ever cut a grapefruit for someone? Has someone ever taken the time to cut you a grapefruit? It’s actually an extremely precise and painstaking process where you have to make sure you go in between and on the side of every single piece of white fleshy fr…

Notes From The Underground: Day 1

We’ve been home for two days now. It’s the weekend and so I guess so far life doesn’t seem that unusual. But tomorrow when it’s Monday I expect things will start to get real.
Ruby tells me that she believes God does everything for a reason. I am and have always been entirely unconvinced of this, but I sit with her long enough to see where she’s heading with this and she tells me she thinks this is God’s way of telling us to slow down. I’m not convinced God had any hand in this. But I can’t deny that perhaps this is an unintentional silver lining. 
We did nothing this weekend. Although I suppose I did the kind of nothing that is actually more something than most of the nonsense I pretend is something on most weekends. I took nine separate walks this weekend. I used every single dish, cup and fork - twice. I FaceTimed 8 different people. I started a new book. I cooked all of our food. I played six games of Uno. There were no sports or hebrew school or Girl Scouts or visiting with family o…

Six years of Hope

Six years ago, I wrote these words on my first weekend home together as a family of five: “We brought Hope home with us on Saturday.”
Indeed.
It is true that Ashkenazi Jews (Jews of of central and eastern european descent) name for the deceased and Dylan and Ruby follow in that tradition. Dylan is named in honor of Phil’s Aunt Dora and Ruby for my mother Ronni. But Hope was to be my hat tip to her Sephardic (middle eastern) heritage. She is named for the living. We honored her great grandmother Helen and her grandfather Lewis and her grandmother Linda to come up with Hope Leigh.
Right from the start, Hope was a symbol of life.
I think I might have mentioned this before, but my c-section with her was one for the record books. It started routine, but turned into a nearly three hour ordeal, requiring a separate procedure to deal with old old scar tissue from my previous sections before they could even begin to unravel her from my body. A c section is a strange process on a good day. You are n…

A brief note on being a woman in the world.

I'm going to rant for a minute. Apologies in advance. It's not often that I complain about gendered bullshit. Most of the time people make certain comments about women or assumptions and honestly it happens so goddamn frequently that most of us don't even bother to acknowledge it because we have lives to lead and just whatever man but I have to tell you. I'm out there pretending to be an adult or something this morning. And I'm getting an estimate on getting the car painted because the kids have twice now opened the garage door while the hatch is open and it looks like someone has taken an actual hatchet to the back of the car but whatever. And this guy's job is to tell me how much that will cost and how long it will take. And he's hemming and hawing and telling me he's trying to speak to me in a way that is gentle and soft because he doesn't want to upset me. Okay. Literally. Wut. Boy who are you talking to here? Would you speak to my husband in a…