Dear Valentine,
For many, many years you were the single girl. The girl who
bought yourself chocolates at the Duane Reade and watched Nora Ephron movies
inside her UWS apartment on those lonely single Valentine’s Day nights,
believing that none of it would ever change and that you would die alone in
there at some point with the box of chocolates and the receipt from the Duane
Reade which would embarrassingly prove to everyone long after you were dead
that you bought them for yourself. And then one day you weren’t alone anymore. One
day, someone bought you chocolates. Actually, it was a bottle of water outside
Fairway but still, the sentiment was there. And Valentine’s Days were really
never the same since.
But this year, I challenge you to reach back to lonely Duane
Reade chocolate girl, because more than anything she knew how strong and smart
and capable she was. And sometimes in the whirlwind that is marriage and
children and families, finding yourself in a tornado of schedules and
personalities and individual needs of other tiny humans, you just might’ve
forgotten that.
Please remember you are strong and independent. Remember that
your husband liked those things most about you when you met him. Remember that
you liked that about yourself too. Remind yourself that marriage doesn’t mean
forgetting about what you like, what you think, or what you feel. It means
having the courage to share that with someone else, not subvert it. Love can’t
grow from a place that hides stuff.
Also, you are beautiful. I know that you ate the children’s
M&Ms that you bought them for Valentine’s Day and really, that wasn’t cool.
But it’s okay because you are beautiful inside and out. That looking good means
feeling good about where you are and who you are, not just what you want to be.
That loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for your
children or your husband because it is a reminder that it is okay to love
themselves as they are.
Oh – and one more thing Valentine. Please try to remember
that every real and amazing experience you ever truly had in life came from a
place where you let go. And so this year, remember that feeling. Because that
willingness to let go was exactly what led you to find this place of true love
that you call a family. And most good things in your extremely
limited experience came from a place where you didn’t think, but just jumped. It’s
okay to not always be in control.
Finally, you are enough. If you worked too much or too little, if the house isn’t clean and their
hair isn’t brushed and the smart phone is smarter than you and the dinner is
hot dogs – again, it’s okay. It’s enough. I am enough. You are enough. Enough
is fullness. Enough is wholeness. Enough is good.
So Happy Valentine’s Day me. You are strong, independent and
beautiful. Don’t forget - you are enough.
Love,
Me
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