Thursday, August 2, 2012

Wait – Why the Cluck Are We All Talking About Chikn?

And more importantly, why do we all keep spelling chicken that way? Are we all in on the joke or the conspiracy? Seriously – what’s up with that? But I digress. This post isn’t about chikn or chicken. It’s about two very important things I strongly believe:  1) all Americans deserve the same equal rights, and 2) without question liberals have absolutely zero political savvy and are the stupidest people on the planet. And I say that as a liberal.

Let’s start with the second point here, for no other reason than the consistent misspelling of the word chicken is making me feel more stupid so I’ve decided to do things in the wrong order. Why are we so bad at this? Why didn’t we see a cheap publicity stunt trap being set for us a by a chicken warlord? Why did we all fall for it?! What the cluck! Here’s a shocker people: the proud patriarch papa of a southern based bible belt fried chicken joint gives lots of his private profits to support the Defense of Marriage act and other efforts to solidify that marriage is defined legally as between a man and a woman, and to thereby strip the entire LGBT community of the right to marry. Raise your hand if you are surprised by this? So then, Mr. Top Chickn or Chicken or whatever decides to give an interview where he speaks openly about where his chicken money goes. And what do we all do? We act freaking surprised and self-righteous, which, by the way if you are wondering is exactly what Mr. Chicken thought we would do. And then suddenly you have Mayors stepping out of the woodwork saying that Mr. Chicken can’t sell his chicken in their cities because of what he believes (which by the way people, is I’m pretty sure illegal – you know blocking someone from making a living based on what they say or believe) – that’s right, I’m looking at you Menino. And voila! You have Dan Cathy’s dream – the silly liberals running around talking about boycotting chicken and guess what you have, not a logical engagement on the importance of ensuring civil rights for all? Nope – you’ve got a debate on freedom of speech and religious freedom. And everyone is shelling out their money to buy waffle fries in support of Dan Cathy’s right to free speech. Um, is anyone catching the utter stupidity and irony of this?!
Why, oh why dear liberals do we always fall for such obvious schemes? Why do we always muck it up. This was a well timed PR scheme from the beginning. It was never a debate about the rights of Gays and Lesbians to marry. And we walked right into it. We run around pointing fingers at others who threaten to, let’s say hypothetically boycott JC Penney for hiring Ellen DeGeneres as a spokeswoman, and then we argue to do the same thing when it supports our own point?! It’s like saying the other side is a bunch of religious hypocrites who are really total pervs who cheat on their wives, and then TWEETING PICTURES OF YOUR GENITALS. Why do we do this stuff, liberals? Seriously, why?
It makes us look dumb and it makes us look like hypocrites and it obscures really excellent points about how folks, particularly folks who are strict constructionists, ought to ensure that they apply the same strict constitutional approach when reading that beloved doc as it applies to the equal right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness by all Americans. Not just the straight ones.
Let’s get to the point. I think Dan Cathy is a total stool pigeon. I think he is about as smart as one of his chickens right before they become the spicy chicken sandwich deluxe. So I don’t eat there because he was smart enough to tell me exactly where my chicken money would go, and I think that’s crap. But calling for a boycott or a kiss-in or being all surprised when the whole debate gets re-framed on your ass just proves that once again liberals, we looked silly and outplayed. This debate is important and serious. It involves the loves and lives of our parents, friends, neighbors, children who deserve equal rights in this country – the right to marry. By no means should any of us be talking about chikn. Or chicken. Ah F*(&^&*^!!! it.

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