Anniversary

This morning as the summer brightness peeked in beneath the shades earlier than it should, Phil and I lay very still in our bed listening to the quiet hum of our house and our family. Soon, as always, the bed started getting crowded. Dylan’s head popped up first. Before not too long, some curls bopped along looking for a spot in the bed, Ruby wedging herself into the mix as well. And just like that we’d gone from two to four.

In some ways, that feels like so much of what the last 7 years have been like. There were first dates and excitement and laughter and indulgence. And then an engagement! And then a wedding! And suddenly… there were more of us. But that girl from 7 years ago – she just couldn’t have known what was to come. How hard it would be, how hard it is. In truth, I believe I legitimately thought that my marriage would largely play out like a sitcom. We’d occasionally bicker, but resolve the issue within a 30 minute timeframe, each admitting we were wrong, laughing and sealing it all with a kiss.

But then there was his family and my family and jobs and sleepless, stressful nights with babies. And there were days where I swear we both had our periods and all we wanted to do was be away from each other. Sometimes, we needed each other. And sometimes we needed to not need each other so much. And sometimes we laughed ourselves to sleep. And sometimes we argued and we didn’t make up and we fell asleep mad. Even though there was some cute little handmade plaque someone gave us from our wedding hanging over our bed imploring us to, “never forget to kiss each other goodnight.” Except sometimes we did forget.

But what I’ve learned and am learning over the past 7 years is that it’s okay. That a marriage, specifically our marriage, is something that we are actively building to withstand all of it. There is give in it – for the really good stuff and the really hard stuff. We can lean on it, on each other, and it won’t break.

My mother, a mother to 3 children mind you, was fond of saying that the only reason sane people ever had more than one child was because they simply forgot how hard it is to do it all in the first place. They got lost in all the joy and magic and erased from their minds the harder stuff that led up to those moments. In some ways, I think she was talking about marriage too. But you go into it with the best of intentions, thinking only of the good stuff that led you there. And then there are some bumps and hard stuff. But you step back and refocus and your mind settles more on the happiest and best parts because that’s the stuff that fuels you to keep going, keep working at it. Because you want more of it.

Because I want more time talking quietly at night on the deck after the kids go to sleep. More time embarrassing them with our karaoke and dance moves. More time making each other laugh. More time entering a room, feeling proud to be on each other’s arm. More time stubbornly closing our eyes to the rest of the world, refusing to look before we leap. More time watching you, you big, tough, all business 100% NJ guy, carefully slather peanut butter on our 3 year old daughter after she dips herself in strawberry gum, gently trying to rub it off. All the while laughing at her, at each other, all the while wondering – how did we get here?

As usual with us, I have no idea. I just know I want more. Happy anniversary philly! From me, the person who loves you more than anyone else in the universe J